Birthday Blues: Why People Hated Their Birthday

The Distress of an Event

the distress of an event where the Gods are playing cards and the devils are playing lucks

the boring cakes and candles,
the magic tricks and the wishes ain’t enough to cover all the bad lucks

one at a time it was nice the prayers,
the presents,
the fake smiles,
and the lies

But I can hear them saying “birthdays” like it’s a “doomsdays”

I can hear them saying “hooray” like it’s a “payday”

I wrote that when I was 15, and clearly it sounded really depressing. The teen version of me back there clearly pissed off about a stupid celebration called birthday. Of course, there were one or two times that I wished it’ll be the best time of the year when people I love do sweet & memorable things to me, or magic happens on my birthday, or anything — anything that is unusual and happy. Life isn’t a movie and birthday sucks. Special day, like valentine’s day or birthday, it makes us set an invisible high expectation to people who don't have an obligation of our happiness.

Birthday Blues is Real

Now I’m 23, I know for sure it wasn’t because of my teen-moody hormone but it’s because birthday depression is real. The emergence of “Birthday Blues” or “Birthday Depression” is often associated with ongoing chronic depression and even signs of mental illness. Mostly it caused by experiencing a lack of accomplishment and making a “birthday” date as a milestone or deadline.

According to Honick, Lester & Gunn III (2016), their research about individuals who died by suicide on their birthday showed that only 63 of 10,884 suicides died by suicide on their birthday. It indicates that if Birthday Blues exist in a population, it needs a large sample to be detected. Also, it means that Birthday Blues is a rare condition, but it’s real, it exists. The sample showed that 81.8% of them were men, and the rest is women. It also did show a pattern of a Spring and Fall peak.

The Broken Promise Effect by Gabennesch (1988) also used by researchers to explain this phenomenon. The suicide rate peaks at Spring, Monday, New Years, and also on Birthday. Gabennesch explained that people tend to hope and set expectations that their lives will be better but when it failed to fill their expectations, they chose to die by suicide. They hope that in the Spring after long cold winter, or when the new week & year start, or when they get older (birthday), all their struggles will come to end.

Why Do People Hate Birthday

• Aging sucks. Many people denial about their age not only because they’re worried about the physical appearance but also because of the “existential crisis” it carries. Surely we get stressed enough about the wrinkles, gray hairs, and back pain, but realizing the more you aged doesn’t mean your life getting any better is whole another level of stress. You start to question the purpose of your life as a whole. “Shit, I’m getting older but look at me, I am still…” or “why am I even here?”. According to Matthew (2016), there are three versions of the existential crisis: sophomore crisis, adult existential crisis, and later existential crisis.
• Unbelievably “high” expectations. Expectations to yourself and the people surrounding you.“I’ll graduate by 22, or marry by 25”, those birthday milestones and goals we set to ourselves is a boomerang. And if it’s not enough, do not forget that our Indonesian society has this unwritten rule about ages. Women by the age of 26 and more are considered to be “old” enough to marry, so Indonesian women somehow have this age-deadline to get a husband. Furthermore, people also set expectations to be treated “special” on their birthdays by people they love. It actually is okay and fine but it will be really hurtful when people make it the only metric of their happiness. Especially when the definition of “special” is more like epic or magnificent or anything too high to reach. They depend on other people & social approval to define their happiness on their own birthdays. These expectations caused fear, feeling of failure, pressure, and stress.
• Family drama. There is no denying that the family is the very first media of introduction to relationships — which is full of emotions. These emotions, whether it’s negative or positive, usually peak at special moments including birthdays. For those who have a dysfunctional family, birthdays might not be an exciting time to have and celebrate.

How To Deal With It

• Focus on things you’ve successfully accomplished. Some might be only small achievements, but they still need to be remembered and to be proud of. To be grateful and learn how to love yourself are the best weapon to fight depression.
• Take charge of your own happiness. Think about what makes you happy that you can create on your own. How to live your life to the fullest without putting it on someone else’s shoulders. How to be happy in celebrating your birthday without your friends need to put your face and the wishes in their Instagram story or Snapchat, so you can repost it and make the whole world knows that the-birthday-gal is having tons of fake friends.
• Make peace with your memories. The unpleasant memories you had in your birthdays are in the past, and your very next birthday isn’t defined by those bad memories. Do not provoke yourself to believe that birthday is bad luck, and forever you’ll be doomed — IT IS NOT.

Sources:

• Honick, B. & Lester, David & Gunn III, John. (2016). The birthday blues. Suicidology Online. 7. 61–63.
• Image: https://weheartit.com/entry/349883166